did you forget about it? did you think it was going away? you can crawl backwards with a bucket hanging from your throat and still feel bad about it. barricading all of that shine inside your bones, the marrow sucked clean, the chipping at your knuckles, the vibrant shades, the neon gold, the bursting and the collapse. you'd never remember it if it wasn't so constant, so don't tell me you forgot. it's right there; it isn't going away. so, if you feel up to it, try to hold it close to your chest. see if it stops vibrating and settles in. see if it allows you to cradle it, maybe rock it to sleep, and expect it to wake up and knock around in your head until you decide to start all over. there's no sparkle anymore, no more light. but maybe you'll find it in bits and pieces somewhere before you die.